^ Illustration by Kendall Moore for “Cash Only,” Westwind 2022.

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(*Excerpt from Riding Whale, a novel)

Before she left, Mom taught me a valuable lesson: to study life and death, you have to get up close. 

I have this hazy memory of us paddling together when I’m three years old—but sixteen years later, the details of her and I are fading like a message in the sand, slowly dissolving in the endless tide.  

Many times I’ve drifted, and many times I’ve swam, and many times I’ve been a speck of star dust on the immeasurable yawn of the Pacific Ocean; and beyond, where water touches cloud and constellation, where even the horizon can’t reach, I can see myself floating from ocean to outer space. And what really scares me, to be honest, is I actually think I’ll find Mom there—repatriated to the stars.

Truth is the simple syrup that all good lies are mixed with. It’s amazing what creatures will believe to stay alive for just one more second…